You are the only validation you need

One of the cornerstone MoreSeeker beliefs is, “The destination is the journey.” In other words, we are constantly journeying, ever expanding, always seeking. There is actually never really a destination at all. Only a direction. Always a purpose. Our desires set us on a trajectory, but the process, the journey is where the actual magic happens.

I’ve always loved this, truly believe it, and constantly struggle with it. Adventure for adventure sake, especially when it comes to matters of life, is a beautiful and also a constant practice. And for me, often a really really hard practice.

Lately I feel it’s been especially hard, it’s got me asking some rather deep questions regarding the journey

How do we know when we’ve arrived?

Do we ever arrive?

Can this moment be all the MORE I need?

Questioning. Wondering. Introspection. These are the essence of the seeking process. Often times simply allowing ourselves to ask these questions can be the catalyst that creates MORE. And more often than not, this curiosity that drives our seeking has the ability to change everything.

And so it did. Eureka. Big A-HA! Insight discovered. Realization.

VALIDATION. (eek!)

When we want MORE it’s so easy rely on or need someone to validate us, our work, our ideas, our decisions. And when it comes right down to it, validation is a lazy habit that keeps us in a place of less, lack and limits. It keeps us waiting, holds us back, and stops us from realizing the MORE we really and truly want.

Relying on outside validation to move us forward and dictate our circumstances takes us out of the adventure and instead sits us on the bench waiting for someone else to tell us when we’ve arrived. And when we’re treading close to the edge of our comfort zone, into new territory, we often get derailed waiting for someone to tell us it’s OK, it’s safe, to keep journeying.

Pit in stomach. Big sigh. A deep urgh. I SO do this.

Until now, I’ve relied on validation as my truth – the way for me to “know” what was “good.” Sure there are times when I don't, but historically, when there's been a lot on the line or when I'm about ready to make a big move, I’ve looked to others to validate my ideas, my actions, even my identity. There’s nothing like someone squealing, “Oh! I love it!” And thus I've had a tendency to put more trust in the outside world’s opinion. Hungry for someone else to tell me what my own intuition already knows, desperate for someone else to believe in my ideas, in me

Double ugh!

What I've come to realize is validation, like balance, is kind of bullshit. It’s the whole tree in the forest thing. You know…when a tree falls in a forest does it make a sound if no one is there to hear it?

My answer? Heck NO! 

There must be someone to hear the sound. To receive the vibration. To witness. To listen. That someone is ME. YOU. We do not need to rely on someone else to hear it for us, tell us it made a sound or even what kind of sound it made. We get to do that for ourselves! 

And just as I’m contemplating this idea, this lands in my inbox today from one of my favorite colleagues and teachers.

“When we prioritize and pursue this inner relationship with ourselves we enter the possibility of having our greatest love affair. An affair that ignites and enlivens our most profound desires: to be known and seen; to be felt and self-expressed. And more than that, to connect to the wisdom that resides within each of us.” You can read Navjit’s full post here.

Sometimes we just need little reminders of our own wisdom.

MORE is an inside job rather than an outside conquest. When we dive inside, connect to ourselves, get out of our heads and into our hearts to listen to our soul, this is when we can begin to trust ourselves, believe in ourselves, and validate ourselves. This is when we become the only necessary witness to our own greatness, to our MORE.

This is not to say we don’t need others, nor that we shouldn’t appreciate their acknowledgement. Rather this is an opportunity to make sure our trust and belief in ourselves is foremost what we look on and rely on to make decisions, to move forward, to risk. 

When you trust and believe in yourself, everyone else’s is just sweet delicious icing that makes it all that much sweeter.

So, I’m curious, have you been looking to the outside world to validate your ideas, actions, beliefs, even yourself? How’s that working for you? Is it stopping you from becoming MORE, from living your dream, from doing your life’s work, from experiencing your heart’s desire?

If so, how can you prioritize your inner relationship, connect to that infinite wisdom, and cultivate the “knowing” that everything you are and everything you have to give is beautiful and amazing?

You are the only validation you need. 

With MORE:love,

Melissa